The inner world

I know I've written a lot of posts about personality type. I find that writing is the most effective way to understand my own thoughts. Which leads me to this: once again, I think I might be an introvert.

Funny, often times I'm one of the more outgoing people at social engagements. I have a great time, but when I leave I often feel like I've ... hmmm... it's hard to explain... maybe I could use an example. A couple times after being the talkative one at a get-together I've felt like a terrible person and that people think I'm just a goofball. I enjoy entertaining people, but I often feel like this is a mask on the dark and brooding world I have inside.

But it's difficult for me to not just put a positive face on everything and then feel like I've deceived others and myself. I hate it when people see me as less complex than I really am, but I often don't show the other sides because I want to make people feel good... about me.

This is why I often love to spend time with other complex people because I know they can relate to my conflict between the inner and outer worlds. Blogging can help me to learn to express my true self in a controlled, well-thought-out way without exposing too much and risking offending others or scaring them away.

And it's interesting... I'm definitely attracted to people who have a "dark side," that is, people who aren't going to be offended or put off by my cynicism and sinful nature that I often try to cover up. People who will listen without judging and appreciate me even more, even if they disagree with me. And people who expose their own secrets so it's safe for me to do the same. If you're one of these people, you probably know who you are, and you really mean a lot to me!